朗文英文商業書信 & 電子郵件寫作技巧與範例
逗號
使用逗號可以分隔片語和子句,讓訊息更容易閱讀。
例句:
- We have five different models, each with its own special features.
我們有五種款式,每一個都有自己的特點。 - Although I agree with the points you mention, I would like clarification on various issues.
雖然我同意你提到的重點,但我想要釐清各項問題。
逗號會影響閱讀時的停頓和語氣,如何使用逗號並沒有絕對標準,主要是品味和風格的問題。但有一件事可以確定:千萬別濫用逗號。看看以下的例子:
Unfortunately, if we invest in new machinery, and the market falls again. as it has been predicted, we may, possibly, find ourselves with too much production capacity, and this may, therefore, result in even more serious problems.
遺憾的是,如果我們投資新機具,而市場一如先前的預測再次下挫,那麼我們可能會產能過剩,而可能導致更嚴重的問題。
這個句子裡的所有逗號都擺對了位置,但是逗號實在太多,讓整個句子很紊亂。此外,句子也太長了。在現今的商業寫作中,應該讓句子保持簡短,並減少非必要的逗號。例如:
We must give serious consideration to the issue of investing in new machinery. If the market falls again, as has been predicted, we could find ourselves with increased production capacity. This may then result in even more difficulties.
我們必須慎重考慮投資新機具的問題。假設一如先前的預期,市場再次下挫,我們可能會產能過剩,而可能造成更多難題。
常見的逗號謬誤
逗號謬誤是指兩個主要子句之間只用一個逗號連接,而實際上一個逗號卻不夠。看看以下的例子:
It was great to see you last week, thanks for your hospitality.
上週很高興看到你,謝謝你的款待。
這是不正確的。它們是兩個完整的句子,兩個完整的想法,所以中間的逗號應該改成句號:
It was great to see you last week. Thanks for your hospitality.
上週很高興看到你。謝謝你的款待。
這裡的另一個線索是 Thanks 這個字,除非它跟在 and、so、but 等連接詞後面,否則一向是在句首,如下所示:
It was great to see you last week, and thanks for your hospitality.
上週很高興看到你,還有,謝謝你的款待。
底下再舉一些這類逗號謬誤的例子,並說明應該如何修正。
例一:
- [錯] I ordered more disks, they will be delivered next week.
- [對] I ordered more disks, and they will be delivered next week.
- [對] I ordered more disks. They will be delivered next week.
例二:
- [錯] Please look into this immediately, I need your report by 28 November.
- [對] Please look into this immediately. I need your report by 28 November.
- [對] Please look into this immediately and let me have your report by 28 November.
例三:
- [錯] We have removed clause 9, this is because of current market conditions
- [對] We have removed clause 9 because of current market conditions.
- [對] We have removed clause 9. This is because of current market conditions
鑑於目前的市場狀況,我們移除了第九條款。
例四:
- [錯] Thanks for your email, it was good to hear from you.
- [對] Thanks for your email. It was good to hear from you.
例五:
- [錯] Mary is responsible for this convention. She will be in touch with you soon.
- [對] Mary is responsible for this convention, she will be in touch with you soon.
瑪麗負責這項會議,她會盡早和您聯繫。
例六:
- [錯] Sales have been very good this year, the figures are higher than last year.
- [對] Sales have been very good this year. The figures are higher than last year.
今年銷售情况良好,業績比去年高。
例七:
- [錯] I love your ideas for this project, however, I'd like to discuss some issues with you.
- [對] I love your ideas for this project. However, I'd like to discuss some issues with you.
我喜歡您在這項專案上的構想,但我想和您討論一些問題。
例八:
- [錯] I will see you next week, meanwhile, please let me see some samples soon.
- [對] I will see you next week. Meanwhile, please let me see some samples soon.
我會在下週和您會面,並請盡快讓我看一些樣品。
生硬、多餘的老套用語
別再使用底下這些生硬、沉悶、多餘、和過時的用語:
- Please be informed (請知悉/在此告知)
- Kindly be advised (在此通知)
- I would like to bring to your attention (我想請您注意)
- I am writing to advise you (我寫信通知您/這封信是要讓您知道)
- Enclosed please find our catalogue for your reference (請見隨附之產品型錄,供您參考)
- Kindly furnish me with this information soon (勞煩盡速提供我這項資訊)
不要這麼說 | 建議這麼說 |
---|---|
Please be advised that our next meeting will be held on Monday 14 June. | Our next meeting will be held on Monday 14 June. |
Kindly be informed that the fire alarms will be tested at 9 am tomorrow. | The fire alarms will be tested at 9 am tomorrow. |
Kindly advise... (煩請告知) | Please let us know... (請讓我們知道) |
Kindly see attached on my performance report for last year. | Here is my performance report for last year. |
Please find attached... (隨信附上) | Attached is... / I am attaching... |
Please be reminded... (在此提醒您) | Please remember... |
I am writing to let you know that Mr John Lim is no longer with our company. | Mr John Lim is no longer with our company. |
We refer to your letter of 21st October... 關於您 10 月 21 的信件... | Thank you for your letter dated 21 October. 感謝您 10 月 21 日的來信。 |
Should you have any questions please do not hesitate to contact me. | Please give me a call if you have any questions. |
以上例句,右邊的不見得永遠都是最合適的。有時候,某些正式的文書可能適合比較嚴肅甚至老套的語氣。
被動語態
一般建議是盡量使用主動語態,這樣語氣會更生動、意思更清楚。但有些場合可能更適合採用被動語態,例如句子的主詞是一個特別重要的名詞,為了特別強調該主詞,使用被動語態會比較好。
例句:
Our restaurant has been recommended by all the leading hotels in Singapore.
我們的餐廳被新加坡所有的頂級飯店推薦。
這句話強調了「我們的餐廳」。
下面這句則不然:
All the leading hotels in Singapore recommend our restaurant.
新加坡所有的頂級飯店都推薦我們的餐廳。
或者,如果你要將焦點放在動作上,而非做動作者時,也會用被動語態。例如:
The noise was heard all over the island.
全島到處都能聽到這個噪音。
這裡要強調的是噪音本身,而不是製造噪音的人。
當你要隱藏某事,或者需要圓滑一點時,可以使用被動語態。例如:
- An unfortunate mistake was made.
一個遺憾的錯誤已經造成。 - This bill has not been paid.
這份帳單尚未有人支付。
謝謝和問候
為什麼有這麼多人要在書信的結尾寫上 Regards(問候) 或 Thank you(謝謝您)?
謝什麼呢?謝謝您讀我的電子郵件嗎?如果你的信件自始至終都很有禮貌(讓我們面對現實,不論在何種情況下,你都應該有禮貌),就沒有必要因為有人讀你的信或電子郵件而不斷說「謝謝您」。如果你有什麼事要謝謝讀者,你可以考慮在結尾寫上 Thank you for your help(感謝您 的協助)、Thank you for your patience(感謝您的耐心)、 Thank you for your understanding(感謝您的諒解)或諸如此類的話。
至於 Regards(問候),我建議直接刪除。它真的必要嗎?我們也看到一 些替代語,像是 Best regards(誠摯問候)或 Warm regards(溫馨問候)。我個人覺得這些話全都相當冷淡,我會建議你撰寫書信時,在訊息中加入自己的個性,然後在結尾處只放自己的名字。你可以用一些優美的小句子結尾, 像是 See you soon (希望很快會再見到您)、Have a great weekend (祝週末 愉快),或是 Good luck with the meeting (祝開會順利)。再不然,用 Many thanks(多謝)如何?在這句最終的評論之後,寫上你的名字,以非常友善、建立關係的方式結束訊息。
運用自然、輕鬆、友善的風格,就好像你是在進行一項對話,藉此為你的商業寫作注入一些生命。不要使用舊式術語,要使用主動、激勵性和有趣的風格,你的寫作反映了你的個性。
使用適當的語氣
你可以堅定、友善、有說服力或是溫和,完全取決於你所要傳達給對方的印象。重要的是語氣要正確,不當的語氣可能會引起讀者的反感。
以下是一些避免在商業寫作中使用的措詞:
- Your failure to reply
您沒有回覆 - You did not see...
您沒有看到… - We must insist...
我們必須堅持… - You should not expect to...
您不應該期望… - Your refusal to co-operate...
您的拒絕合作.... - You have ignored...
您忽視了… - This is not our fault...
這不是我們的過失… - I can assure you...
我可以向您保證… - You failed to...
您沒有… - I have received your complaint
我已收到您的申訴 …... - I have noticed that...
我已注意到… - It has come to my attention that...
我已留意到…
與其說:We cannot do anything about your problem.
不如說:Unfortunately, we are unable to help you on this occasion.
保持簡單、簡短
與其說 | 不如說 |
---|---|
in the very near future | soon |
We would like to ask you to... | Please... |
conduct an investigation | investigate |
in spite of the fact that | despite |
with regard to | about |
- 短字比長音節的字更好。讀者大多缺乏耐性和時間,而短字讓更多人覺得簡明易讀。
- 短句比長句好,長句會降低閱讀速度,考驗讀者耐心。方法:刪去不必要的字、刪去不必要的想法,或把長句拆成幾個短句。
- 同理,簡短的段落最好。
改寫
改寫是最佳商業寫作者的基本原則,想要學會如何改進寫作,就必須培養這項習慣。每位專業人士寫完後都會進行編輯,之後可能二度編輯。真正的力量就在此––在刪除、精煉、強化、修正、調整和潤飾時產生。
檢查清單:
- 你是否使用簡單的文字及表達方式?
- 你要表現禮貌時,是否避免冗長的文字?
- 你的語氣是否像對話般自然?
- 你是否使用主動語態而非被動語態?
- 你對提及的議題或人物,是否使用適當的語氣?
- 你是否使用了其實應該更新的舊式措詞或術語?
- 你是否納入了所有必要的資訊?是否再次確認所有的事實和數字正 確無誤?是否每一部分都清楚明確,沒有模稜兩可?
- 你是否記得保持一致性?例如日期和時間的呈現方式?
- 你是否像對話般把信唸出來,以協助判斷所有標點符號的位置正確無誤?
- 你的措詞是否簡短又有禮?
References
- 簡明英語運動 (Plain English Campaign): www.plainenglish.co.uk
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